Every year I set new year's resolutions that are usually unrealistic and I abandon after week two. I was watching the NBC morning news and they featured Jon Gordon's concept of thinking of one word that would challenge yourself to change your life for the better. I was inspired. After thinking long and hard about what my one word could be I chose one: vision.
Now, though I realize that I chose my word and like my past resolutions I've lost sight (no pun intended) of how vision was supposed to drive change in my life.
After reading Robin's post: http://teachingtomorrowsleaders.blogspot.com/2014/03/day-18-light.html I first of all thought oh cool someone else is doing a one word challenge and then I started to feel guilty that I haven't risen to my personal challenge. So, I started to reflect on why I chose vision and what that means to me.
My life is divided in half: life before Tuesday, September 15th, 2008 when my son was alive which at the time was busy with life. I can remember that day as vivid as if it were yesterday. I stayed at school to get that endless work done and then filled my bag to a brim with work to do at home. When I pulled in Trent came driving through on his quad gave me one quick wave and then down the trail he went. I quickly changed, got the lawn mower out and tried to get our yard work done. I was thinking the whole time "gol darn Trent for not stopping to see what needed to be done around the farm, he should be working." That was my last vision I had with him that day was that one quick wave on his way by.
Then there was my life after the moment that we realized that Trent was gone from us forever. I began to realize what life is really about. It's not the work....
I lost all of my perspective on the purpose of life. Frankly, I was just a robot going through the motions of just surviving one day at a time. The only thing that really mattered at all was my husband and daughter. Anything beyond that had very little meaning. One day turned into another day which turned into another day on and on.
At the time I was teaching first grade and looking for a change. When a 3rd grade position opened up I grabbed it up hoping that would be my motivation. It helped a little but still wasn't enough. I began to lose my confidence in my ability and didn't feel I was serving any purpose in life. I realize now that I just needed some time to heal. Looking back there were some moments that were good it was just difficult to see at the time when your vision is clouded with raw grief.
That brings me to this year... 2014. I needed vision! I decided that it would be ok if I lived again. Will I ever be the same? Never! I am not that same person that I was before which, is difficult for many friends and family to understand but it is what it is and I can't worry about it.
I'm trying to look at things differently in life. Remembering what the important things in life are. I am embarking on new experiences that I was too busy or scared to attempt (one being writing about myself). Lastly, the vision of the future: celebrating my daughter's successes in life, watching our business evolve to include our new son-in-law, being the best educator that I can be and someday seeing my Trent again.
vi·sion/ˈvɪʒən/ Show Spelled
1. the act or power of sensing with the eyes; sight.
2. the act or power of anticipating that which will or may come to be: prophetic vision; the vision of an entrepreneur.
3. an experience in which a personage, thing, or event appears vividly or credibly to the mind, although not actually present, often under the influence of a divine or other agency: a heavenly messenger appearing in a vision. Compare hallucination ( def 1 ) .
4. something seen or otherwise perceived during such an experience: The vision revealed its message.
5. a vivid, imaginative conception or anticipation: visions of wealth and glory.
So, thanks Robin for reminding me what my One Little Word is for 2014!