I left the end of my story off and they helped me think of different believable ways that my story could end. We worked a lot on elaboration - adding dialogue, action, sensory details, etc. This seemed to be the hardest skill for them which we will continue to work on. As I reflect on how the realistic writing unit went this year I feel that I have done a much better job teaching them fiction writing skills than in the past because I wrote along side of them thinking about what my struggles were.
Realistic Fiction Model:
TIME STANDS STILL
WRITTEN BY: Mrs. Shrontz
It was a cold rainy day, too
miserable to play outdoors. So, Clair
had an idea! “Gordon, let’s toss the
ball around inside.” Now, Clair and Gordon were brother and sister. They were
only two years apart in age. Clair was the older sister they lived in and old
brick houses that was at least 150 years old. The rooms were filled with many
valuable and fragile antiques. Many of them were family heirlooms that had been
passed down from generation to generation.
One of their mom’s favorite antiques was an old wooden chime clock that
hung on the wall in the living room it had a glass front where you could see
the gold pendulum swing back and forth keeping time every hour on the
hour. It would chime bong, bong, bong..,
.three o’clock.
Now Gordon was just 7 years old
and was easily influenced by his older sister.
One time she talked him into trying to grab the rooster in the hen house
but after a lot of scuffling around he only came out with scratches all over
him and Clair stood in the doorway just chuckling away. This time though Gordon was determined to not
let her talk him into doing something he would regret. “Clair, I don’t think
this is a good idea” he told her as she ran to the back porch to grab the soft
ball and a mitt.
“Oh please stop being a baby!” Clair replied
over her shoulder. No really Gordon
warned her. But Clair wasn’t listening. She was tired of everyone trying to tell her
what to do. She was 9 years old and she
could take care of herself. Besides what
could happen?
Clair scooped up her leather
Wilson baseball mitt and her baseball.
Gordon was still muttering to himself as she confidently strolled to the
living room. “Ok first you toss the ball
to me and I’ll catch it with my lucky mitt.”
Clair declared to Gordon tossing him the ball. The first throw was weak and it just fizzled
to the floor. “Come on!” Clair complained.
“Well we are in the house!” Gordon replied
back. Gordon kept thinking that this was
not a good idea but whenever he went against his sister’s wishes it always
ended up with his sister teasing him until he blew his cool.
So, to make things easier he went along. Gordon threw the ball this time with a little
more power behind it make sure to swing his arm over his head before letting
the ball go. Clair was getting bored
fast! This was definitely not as much
fun as going outside in their huge back yard.
Her mind began to wander off thinking of yesterday when she was picked
at recess to be on the cool team. That
had never happened before but word was getting around that she had a strong
throwing arm.
Then all of a sudden her
attention was brought back with the whirring of the ball heading straight for
her head. Quick as lightning she whipped
her mitt up just in time to catch the ball.
“It’s about time! Good throw,
Gordy.” Clair complimented her brother.
Gordon soaked up the rare compliment.
Then Clair tossed him her mitt.
“Your turn, let’s see how good your reflexes are.” Gordon pushed his hand in the mitt. It was a little too big so it kept slipping
off when he swung his arm but he wasn’t going to say a word.
“Ok, bring it on!” Gordon said
confidently, still thinking about the compliment. Clair wound her arm up for
the pitch and when the ball left her hand it seem to float in the air. Slowly, making its way across the room as
Gordon lifted his mitt the unthinkable happened.
The mitt slipped off his hand and
the ball seemed to have a mind of its own slipping through his fingers. It flew by him. KAACCCHHHH!
The sound of glass shattering. They both stood there speechless. Slowly they made their way over the
grandfather clock hanging on the wall both knowing what they would find but
dreading how bad it would be. As they
stood there looking at the crack in the glass that run all the way from one
corner to another their mother walked in.
“What was that noi…?” Mother began but then noticed right away what
they were staring at. “WHAT HAVE YOU
DONE?” She raised her voice staring back
and forth between the two. Clair
automatically pointed at Gordon and he pointed at back at her. “Clair?! Gordon?! I want to know what the truth is
here!” Mother demanded. Gordon hung his
head. He knew that he shouldn’t have
been playing ball in the house but Clair was so convincing.
At first Clair was going to just
blame it all on Gordon because it would be easy to do that to her little
brother and let him take the fall but something inside of her just couldn’t let
that happen. He was her little brother
after all she had to be the bigger person.
“Mom, it’s all my fault! I talked
Gordy into playing ball in the house. I’m sorry!” Clair confessed. Gordon’s head snapped up and looked at his big
sister with a new sense of wonder. Did
she really take the heat? He couldn’t
believe it! Gordon didn’t realize it
but at that moment was the beginning of a new friendship that would last
forever.
I'm sure the kids enjoyed helping you develop this story. I loved the foreshadowing that had me worried what would get broken. So many rich details! It is amazing how student's writing is raised when they've had a chance to work the process, but not own it.
ReplyDeleteI love this Kris! I think writing along side our students is the key to so many things. It is easier for me to teach my students to think about reading because I read myself. It's easier to teach writing skills when you are struggling with them at the same time. Sure, the level is different, but the real struggles are still there. Awesome post! Glad you shared!
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